Saturday, April 18, 2009

Borrowed Time...

Beau is out for a little while so I thought I'd post a blog about, well nothing really. Everything medically is still the same and going well. I just have the feeling lately that we are on borrowed time. I know I shouldn't, but we have just been SO blessed to have been given 31 days since this ordeal started, that I wonder when we've reached our limit. I go long stretches of time without thinking about it but every so often it pops in my brain.

I can't really explain it. I feel a big sense of relief from having made it to 28 weeks but I still know that an early birth and a very preemie baby is looming. Even if we make it to 34 weeks, that's still 6 weeks early. I've let a little fear creep in wondering if Gaines' lungs will be able to handle it out here. The odds are so much better than they were but there are no guarantees. If Beau were here right now he'd tell me there are no guarantees in anything...even having a healthy baby at 40 weeks. Of course I know's just scary not knowing what's going on with your baby.

I'm sorry to be kind of a downer right now but I just read an update on a girl I've been following with the same circumstances (broken water) only she was having twins. She delivered at 32 weeks and its not good for one of her babies.

I'm going to take it as a reminder that all of this is in God's hands, as it always has been. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Please pray specifically for Gaines to continue developing, no infection or labor for me and for continued comfort and strength for Beau and me. We've had a good day so far...I pray that they continue and we have a healthy baby in 5 weeks and 3 days.

On a much lighter note, Beau and I are currently engaged in a rousing game of Uno. We are on a break right now but at this point I'm beating him 349 to 141. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Oh, and someone drank my chocolate Ensure last night. I had it in the fridge to get it cold (they send it up here hot) and someone drank it. So, I had to drink a strawberry one and it wasn't so good. Also it was warm and poured over ice. Gag.

I'll get off of here now before I keep rambling. I hope you are all having a great weekend.

Love to all,



cheryl said...


Trust the Lord with all your heart and do NOT lean on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge HIM and HE will make your path straight!

Meditate on these words, let them be on your heart and lips over the next several weeks!

I wanted to share with you that I once had a patient who's water broke at 24 weeks gestation. She did just infections, very few contractions...etc. Her doc had to INDUCE her at 37 weeks!!! (she was on the monitor constantly the last 3 weeks or so, but since she was doing fine, they decided to let him stay in there a little longer than normal!) He had no problems at all and today is one of the biggest guys on his high school football team!!!

You're not living on borrowed time...God has given this time to you as a gift and this gift is maturing Gaines' lungs everyday he is kickin' from the inside out! Rest in the Lord's perfect care sweetie!

Rebekah Lollar said...

OK, so I laughed out loud toward the end of this post but I can't remember if it started at the Uno game or about your chocolate Ensure. About Uno, I keep thinking about us cheating in Monopoly at Grandmama's (does Beau know you're not always honest during games :)). And as a dietitian, you drinking Ensures is cracking me up :)!! Anyways, I'm so happy to know that you all are doing well and I will continue praying.
Love you! Rebekah

The Ellis Family said...

Brit - There is no such thing as borrowed time - God's plan is in the works and He will hold Gaines every step of the way. Remember that God even numbers every hair on our head because He cares so much about us. I know that sometimes it's hard to imagine that everything works for the good of those who love God, but I promise that He WILL see you all through this. He will NOT abandon you in times of trouble!

What you are feeling is so normal and will continue after Gaines' birth. It's our human nature to be afraid. Just know that God will hold you in the palm of His hand and your prayers (and ours) will carry you through.

Savor every moment of this pregnancy! Pray unceasingly, and please, beat the pants off of my brother in Uno!

Praying for another cold chocolate Ensure tomorrow!


Ruthie said...

Hi Brittany,

I've never been in your shoes, as far as your situation goes, but I KNOW that you are not living on borrowed time. As I read your post I kept thinking of Psalm 139, especially verse 16-

16 Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.

Jesus planned, way before any of this happened, exactly what day Gaines would be born and HE is not surprised by any of the events that have taken place. I will pray for the fears and doubts, because I am sure it is so hard to always feel the truth of God's Word when your just waiting, day in and day out.

I cannot even imagine how trying this whole ordeal is for you and Beau. I hope blogging about it is a good outlet for your fears and frustrations and I pray you are encouraged to know we are all praying with you guys!!!

Oh, and the whole Ensure story, made me laugh out loud! It does sound disgusting. I bet you'll be glad not to have to drink that anymore!!!

Ruthie in Ohio

Jennifer said...


continuing to pray for you and baby Gaines!! i'm so glad you have made it to this point. God is so good. i will keep praying that you make it to your due date:)

Thomas and Jamie said...

Brittany -

You are on God's time and God's time is ALWAYS the right time! You're not a're just a normal woman who trusts the Lord but who still faces temptations to doubt from the Devil! My specific prayer for you will be that you have strength and the assurance that you need even when Beau ISN'T in the room to tell you what you need to hear! Still praying SO SO hard here in Canyon, TX!!! (P.S. WAY TO GO on the UNO game!) I played cards with my hubby when I was in labor and that's one of the things we still talk about!!

Mab said...

You go girl....beat him in UNO!!!
I am so blessed to be able to pray for you, Beau and Gaines.

I look forward to reading your posts....and you just kept typing whatever you want....:)

Arlene in Baton Rouge

Stoney said...

you have to watch beau, he is the type that cheats at card games.

natalie said...

I don't know if you'll get tired of UNO, but my family LOVES Rummikub. It's a tile game, manipulating numbers. We love it and it keeps us entertained for hours.

I'm so sorry about the Ensure. Nothing (well, almost nothing!) is worse than being pregnant and forced to eat/drink something that is not yummy. When I was pregnant with my little girl, I had to switch to whole milk and start eating red meat because she wasn't gaining enough weight in utero. I would literally force myself to drink whole milk. It grossed me out SO bad. I finally convinced my doctor that I was drinking far more milk BEFORE the forced whole milk. He agreed to compromise with 2%! He wouldn't give up the red meat thing, so I had to sit at the table and force myself to eat it at least twice a week! I hated those dinners so much!

I'm praying for you. You're not on borrowed time. I agree with your previous commentors--the Lord had every moment of this planned from the beginning of eternity. His plan is being played out with your doctors, nurses, etc, every single moment of every single day. He is not surprised by this at all. I'm praying that you can feel calm and his peace until you hold a healthy Gaines in your arms.

In Him,

Marva said...

Hi again......from Alabama! We are still praying and God knows how things will go. Keep that faith!!! I gave birth to twin boys at 32 weeks and we had a LONG time of trials, but God saw us through. Praise HIM!!! We now have healthy, normal 3 year old miracles.

God will take care of it all! Blessings!!!!

Sarah said...

So happy to read your updates and hear that everything is continuing well. You're not being a "downer" at all, you're just being honest. You're in the strangest and most stressful kind of holding pattern here, and it is so awesome to see how God is holding you close and keeping you all safe.

And watch out for that labor/delivery fridge. :) A friend brought me a piece of cake from the Cheesecake Factory when I was on bedrest there and it was gone by the next evening when I felt like eating it. I guess someone needed it more than me -- my weight gain at that point was more than "adequate," lol.

If you ever want to play Sorry, Memory, or Connect 4, I'll send my 4-year-old over to visit. :) He's pretty good at Uno too.

Stephanie said...

I can not imagine what you are going through right now however I'm praying that your little boy stays put until he's good and ready to be healthy outside here in the world! I'm keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers!

Hope you are able to rest and clear your mind alittle tonight.

Amanda said...

Brittany, if you get the chance, check out MckMama's blog post from today I don't know if you have followed her story, but she is such a talented writer. Please understand I'm not trying to say that you and Beau have problems with your marriage. I just really liked what she said about trying to control her life (and her marriage) and how having a medically complicated baby really taught her how to submit to God. I know you are struggling right now with the unknown, and who wouldn't be in your situation?! Ok, I am really not trying to offend you at all and I think I am doing a horrible job at getting my point across, I'm sorry, anyways, if you get the chance it's a great post. Hooray for day 32! You are doing awesome!!! I hope no one drinks your Ensure today :)