Saturday, January 9, 2010

Endurance

Well we are in a new year. The holidays are over and we are busy getting focused on a new year. I PRAY that 2010 is better than 2009. I feel a little weird saying that because a lot of good things happened to us in 2009 but it was definitely a tough year for us.

As of now, 2010 is looking promising. Right now I'm sitting in the den floor watching Gaines actually play in his exersaucer. He can spin himself around and fiddles with all the little toys in front of him. It's progress for Gaines and that makes me happy. Beau and Reed are out buying a little bookshelf for Reed so he'll now have a place for all of his books. When your mother is a librarian, your child ends up with a lot of books. Its great because Reed loves to read and now we'll actually have a place for all of them.

In honor of it being a new year (albeit 9 days in) I thought I'd talk about what I'm working on as my new year's resolution. I'm working on my patience (among other things) but patience is definitely number one. A week or two ago I was really struggling with being patient...particularly with Gaines and particularly with his reflux. I'm sure it was combined with a lot of other things but I've just been so concerned about it and I get frustrated because there is nothing that I can do to fix it. Now, I 100% know that it is terrible for me to get upset with him because I know he can't help it but when you are cleaning up vomit (sorry to be gross but that's what it was) for the second night in a row...for the second time that night (and I'm talking middle of the night, sheets and pajamas changed, everything...twice) you tend to get a little annoyed with your child, no matter how much you love them...and I promise I do love him.

Anyway, it hit me that night as I flung myself in the floor crying and feeling so sorry for myself (yes, myself and not the poor baby with throw up in his hair...I know, no criticism needed..I'm terrible) that maybe I could use a little more patience. And maybe that I should be praying for it, and maybe I might should just be praying a little more anyway, and maybe being more diligent about reading my Bible and spending time with God. Crazy concept, huh?

Anyway, I know most of you don't visit this blog for my crazy ramblings so here is the update on the boys. Gaines' reflux does seem to be getting some better. It's not totally gone but its improving...some. We have finally changed his formula to Alimentum as per his nutritionist. It's a hypoallergenic formula (which PS, smells like what a cheese flavored dog food might smell like) and as soon as I realized that, a light bulb went off in my head. Beau was allergic to cow's milk when he was younger and Gaines has been on cow's milk based formulas. I don't know that Gaines is allergic too since the formula change hasn't been an instant fix but I do think its helping. Also, I read a while back that babies with Chronic Lung Disease have a higher instance of reflux because they have to breath so much harder and it stretches (I'm paraphrasing of course) that muscle at the bottom of the esophagus that is supposed to keep food in the stomach.

But anyway, the other Gaines news is that he thinks Reed is hilarious. If Reed is in the room, Gaines is watching him and usually laughing at him. His hair is growing in and he looks to me, just like Reed did. It's weird how much they look alike. He loves to stand up with you holding his hands and his therapist was very impressed with that. The hamstrings still have a little way to go but are progressing. The goal we are working on now is sitting up. It's just hard to work on that because we are so careful with him for fear of him spitting up. The spitting up got pretty bad and he lost a good bit of weight. I'm hoping that he's back on track now.

Reed moved up to a new class this past week at school...probably because he's so advanced (or maybe because he was one of the oldest and they needed his spot...and it wasn't just him that moved up but I like to go with advanced). He's doing really well in the new class which I'm happy about. I was a little worried because now he's the youngest with a lot of bigger kids and he's had a hard time adjusting to new classes in the past but he seems to be doing great. This class really focuses on potty training and I can already tell a big difference. I'd say he's gone from about 85% there to 90%. He still needs to work on telling us when he needs to go although that is improving and we haven't attempted naps or nighttime yet at all. I'm not complaining one bit though...the amount we spend on diapers has dropped dramatically.

Reed is so funny these days. He talks like a grown up and at the grocery store this morning he said, "Your doing awesome mama, your doing a great job." Is that funny or do I just have a false sense of how hilarious my child is? I'm going with funny. It's crazy that I have one of the smartest, cutest and funniest children around. That is a joke...I know I'm totally biased. And I haven't forgotten about Gaines. He's absolutely beautiful. Sorry, but he is. I'm so lucky to have this family. I think it would be hilarious to read a post that I might type at about 7:35 a.m. as we are struggling to get out the door and neither child wants to cooperate. I know for sure that that post would be a far cry from this one.

Speaking of Suzy-Sunshine, I read something in a little devotion book the other day that really stuck with me given our last year. It was about endurance. I'm about to plagiarize it but maybe it might stick with some else that's had a rough year.

"As you know, we considered blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy." James 5:11

Endurance in faith, hard as it may seem, brings happiness. Trials are not a sign of God's disfavor or his will to carelessly punish his children. The tenderhearted Savior never acts cruelly. But through troubles, we draw close to Him and see God's power at work in our lives. Then, like Job, When we persevere in faith, God rewards us bountifully.

If you have any doubt that that is true, just look at my life.

Happy New Year to all...I'm off to organize toys and outgrown clothes. Don't be jealous.

Love to all,

Brittany

10 comments:

Kerri said...

Just a suggestion that might help with nighttime vomitting - we double sheet the bed with a waterproof liner in between the sheet layers. That way if we get nighttime pee or vomit we can just take a layer off and not have to remake the bed - at least if it only happens once a night.

Good Luck!

Stephanie Day said...

So glad both of the boys are doing great! :) Don't beat yourself up over getting frustrated....all moms do it! Thanks for the update!

Diana said...

I know how frustrating reflux is! After having two girls struggle with it for almost three years with one and a year with the other I can completely relate. Both of my girls ended up having to have surgery to fix the reflux. It is completely okay to feel frustrated by the situation. This isn't how things were meant to be. Hang in there, reflux isn't forever. Before long, it will be a distant memory. We are praying that the reflux gets better quickly.

Emery Wilkerson said...

Enjoyed your post today!! Pretty sure all Moms can understand he frustration you have!! We've all been frustrated over certain things!! (and my one & only is only 6 months!) But hang in there.. It is easy to see what a great Mom you are!! :-)

Mom to 2 boys +? said...

Hang in there! Reflux is very frustrating and trying to your patience (I know, I'm on the third go-round). We are dealing with milk protein sensitivity/allergy too. Just remember that it will take his system a couple of weeks to get all the milk out of his system. My little guy vomited fountains on the alimentum and we were forced to go with the big stuff, I hope that Gaines will adjust and do fine. I've been reading your blog since you were hospitalized last year and God has truly worked some miracles in your life. His light is shining through you!
Kara

The Millers said...

I love reading your blog and being reminded of the grace of God!

My son, now 9 mo old, also battled with reflux horribly, dropping in his weight from 75%(birth) to 10%(3mo) before anyone would take us seriously that something was wrong!

We tried all types of medicine too, only to see it come back up! My son eventually was put on Neocate, an amino acid based formula. It seems to have done the trick.

He also has slow moving bowels, which was causing a backup to the point of vomiting (took 3 days to poop out the newborn poop at the hospital). Anyway, he is also on a daily laxative. I don't know how Gaines bowel movements are, but just a thought!!

You are also doing a terrific job, we all break down and feel sorry for ourselves sometimes - especially in the middle of the night on little or no sleep!! It is a rite of passage - noone is supermom, noone!!

Bubeaner said...

Reflux is challenging and frustrating. The double-sheeting the crib/bassinet is a great idea. We used to put up to 3 sheets with waterproof pads in between. And at times we still had to go looking for new sheets.

I can't imagine how much more frustrating it all would be for you. Our little 30-weeker (now 14 months) is our first so we did not know any different. But you know what "normal" feels like.... Don't be hard on yourself and Gaines. Just remember: this too shall pass.

stephh1015 said...

Brittany,
My son also had "reflux" problems, and problems retaining his weight. We were switched to Alimentum and it did help him keep the weight on. They checked my son for the muscle at the bottom of the esophagus(Pyloric stenosis), he did not need surgery, but the muscle was spasming causing his "Reflux" ....so they gave him a med that helped it relax....HUGE difference. Just thought I would let you know. Hope this helps.

otherwise known as mom said...

We've used double sheets with all four of our kids. It is a sanity saver in the middle of the night and well worth the added cost of a couple extra water proof mattress pads!! Good luck and hang in there.

Amanda said...

It's funny how all your comments are all about poop and vomiting :) I often feel like that's all I ever blog about some days! My former 26 weeker puked (never spit up) several times a day for over a year. Allergy tests revealed no milk allergy, but we had dramatic results when we switched to soy. Also, sadly, she has a hard time pooping and the more backed up she gets, the more she threw up, just like an earlier poster said. I know it's odd, but we all learn from each other often more than we learn from the doctors. My DD has had two full bowel clean out's simply because she can't poop it all out even with Miralax daily.

I know the middle of the night crying fits. You love your child dearly, but you are out of the NICU and so want to put all this behind you and nothing says your child still isn't quite there yet than cleaning up vomit out of their hair and changing all the sheets and jammies for the SECOND time during the night. It will get better, I promise. And you are so wise. He will give you the strength to get through it all.