Monday, June 14, 2010

Still Alive

Ok…I know that I’ve been a total slacker on the blog as of late but I have very good reasons for that. 1. I was out of town for a week. I tried to update at night from my hotel but my work computer wouldn’t allow it for some reason. 2. Once I got back I had trouble getting on the Internet the two times I tried. 3. I finally got the Internet working and typed a long blog only to lose it when I tried to post it. 4. After that devastation I just gave up for about a week. I’m re-inspired today though. I have lots to report. This might be long.

First, we tried Gaines on only half of the diuretics he was used to but that didn’t last long. He started breathing harder and quit eating because it was hard for him to do both at once. We took him to our pediatrician and he felt like the diuretics were the problem. He’s back on them now and is breathing much easier and eating better…he never eats great but definitely back to normal. I was pretty devastated over that whole business…to say the least. Beau took Gaines to the doctor that morning as I drove to my out-of-town work thing. When he called to confirm that the diuretics were the culprit (as we were expecting) I pretty much lost it. I was/am SO ready to put this whole oxygen thing behind us. That day I’d just had all that I could stand and cried my little eyes out as I drove. As I cried I begged God to just make him better. Told Him I’d learned all that I needed to learn, that my patience had been tested enough, that I’d been positive for long enough, that I was ready to be done with all of this.

Somewhere along the way I dried it up and came out with a better attitude. I realized that once things get to going better, I start thinking that I’m in control and that I’m handling my life. This little episode was on a much smaller scale than the whole DC experience but I realized it was God breaking me…again. It was his way of reminding me that He is in control and that I can either do this the easy way and let him handle it while I just keep the faith and get out of the way, or I could cry and kick and scream and complain about doctors appointments, and not eating and weight gain and dragging around oxygen tanks and every thing else that comes with it. I decided to make the smart choice and quit worrying and trying to “fix” Gaines myself. Sometimes I get so focused on the destination that I forget I’m worrying my life away. As cheesy as it sounds, I always blare that Miley Cyrus song whenever it comes on…something about mountains…The Climb maybe? I don’t have it on cd or anything (do people still buy cds?) but I definitely sing my little heart out when it comes on the radio.

So…Gaines is back on diuretics and we are focusing on weight gain. I will not bore you with all the details of that but basically our pediatrician/therapists and pulmonologist/nutritionist are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to what they think we should be doing. Awesome. Have I told y’all my thoughts on doctors lately? I appreciate all of them individually…I really do but this business about not being on the same page…annoying. I tell my mom all the time, if any of them knew the right thing to tell us…they’d all be telling us the same thing. So, my solution is to take both sets of advice (and lets be honest…that’s all it really is isn’t it?) and coming up with my (our) own plan. It changes daily…pretty much based on Gaines’ moods…and the moods that I’m in based on his cooperation level. That child is lucky he’s so cute and sweet (90% of the time) and gives good hugs. He’s a lot of work…good thing I love him.

Let’s see…what else? Beau and I celebrated our 6th anniversary. It was nice. I’m pretty lucky to have him. I could not have made it through this past year without him. It’s been a hard year. Not just on each of us individually but together. He might not like me admitting that on here but its true and I’m trying to be honest. When we were in DC, it was he and I against the world…you know-we were together and focused pretty much on one thing…Gaines. Now that we’ve been back, we have life to contend with and haven’t had a ton of time for each other. We are getting better at that. I’m thankful for a sister who baby-sits and for life getting a little easier and allowing for time to just sit on the couch and watch TV together. I’m also trying to make that more of a priority than my daily to do list.

My birthday was this past weekend. Beau has been trying to make fun of me for being old but it really doesn’t bother me. I made up my mind a while back…probably when I turned 22 and in my mind, “adult”…that I wasn’t going to be worried about how old I was. I am 29 years old and have the life I’ve always wanted. A wonderful husband, two beautiful boys, a great dog, a house I love when I’m not pouring money into it, a job that I actually enjoy, a church that I love, good friends, good health (insurance!), a great extended family…and I could go on and on but you get the picture.

Reed has been pretty sweet as of late. Not sure what’s gotten into him but he’s just so lovable right now. Kidding…he’s always lovable but he’s on a good streak right now. Of course he tests us from time to time but no major issues. He told me the other night that he loved me “on purpose”. Not really sure what he meant by that but I’ll take it. Also, I tried on a dress for Beau last night that I’d just bought to see what he thought about it. Beau was kind of iffy on it but Reed said, “I love that dress, mama”. I just looked at Beau and smiled a smirky smile. Also last night I brought home McDonalds for dinner (which we do not do on a regular basis but we’d been out of town for the weekend and had not been to the grocery store), as I was getting it all set out Reed was saying “I can’t wait!” over and over. I think it was the Sprite. He loves a good Sprite.

The other day, Gaines knocked something over and it made a big crash sound. Reed looked and me and said, “Get him a big, giant spanking”.

One other thing about Reed. He said something about a sister the other day and I told him that he didn’t have a sister but that I did. That Abby was my sister. Reed thought for a second and said, “My sister is Pop (my dad)”.

Also, from time to time, Reed will do sweet things and I’ll tell him that it makes my heart happy. The other day he went to the bathroom came out with no underwear on. I asked where it was and he told me he didn’t need to wear his underwear. I asked him why not and he said, “Because it makes my heart happy”. He was instructed to wear it anyway.

Love to all,



Cary said...

Too funny! Wish that was all it took to "make my heart happy!" Keep on keeping on - y'all are awesome!

kim_brough said...

Patience is such a hard thing to learn or be comfortable with. Once the "issues" are over, it's so easy to see how God was looking out for you during all of that, but I don't think once anybody has said "oh, Lord, I'm so grateful for this crappy time in my life". Ha. Do you know what I mean?

As far as the doctor's opinions differing, medicine is a lot like parenting-- there are many schools of thought on how to handle things. It's tough to deal with, but they do have Gaines' best interest at heart. :-)